While working with Thrive, we can run into some difficult situations with residents and coworkers, right? This topic comes up a lot at Esther House and I’m sure many of you have had these conversations. How to not take things personally can be very hard when you are invested in the work you do. We often build healthy working relationships with our residents and it can be challenging to cope when we experience intense behaviors that might come off very personal.
As staff, we develop relationships with the individuals that come through our program. We might become invested in their recovery or goals while in our program and support them along their way. Sometimes it might be easier for us to become agreeable, or go along with certain behaviors to keep the peace. However, it’s important to teach the individuals we support that we might not be agreeable on everything and that different perspectives might offer new viewpoints on old habits. Sometimes challenging behaviors might cause discomfort to the individual, but might also provide them with the opportunity to take that discomfort and grow. We need to also try and understand how they might be feeling or thinking. We may never know exactly what they have been through, but doing our best to be an empathetic support might allow an individual the space they need to progress in their recovery.
Don’t make assumptions. This is a lesson learned by staff and those they provide care for. Often the initial responses are led by emotions, but it’s important to take a step back and think before reacting. The judgments or criticisms may not be directed at you or about you. Individuals may use these unintentionally to try and get their needs met.
After creating some space for yourself, ask this individual to fully explain what’s going on and how can you assist them. Use mindful listening skills. It’s okay to let them know how it made you feel the way they were saying things. When reacting out of emotions, often people do not realize that they are being verbally aggressive. Perhaps this could be a teaching moment for healthy communication skills and offer examples for alternative ways to handle situations and to have alternative solutions.
I have come across an article from Psychology Today, “How to Stop Taking Things Personally” written by Abigail Brenner, MD. This article lays out exactly what we should be thinking about and educating our direct care staff on. There are five important to things to think about when you’re feeling overwhelmed and they are as follows:
Focus on what this relationship really means to you.
Change the focus of the interaction by putting yourself in this person’s shoes.
Don’t jump to conclusions too quickly when you are being confronted.
Create a space between yourself and your reactions.
When you are ready, respond in order to gain clarification.